Yesterday, a tire fell off our car as we were driving. It all happened so suddenly I had no idea what the problem was -- only that something was very wrong with the car. Only after I managed to BH quickly get to the side of the road did I notice the missing tire. I quickly realized how fortunate I was that this happened just seconds after I had exited the highway. Needless to say, it made for a powerful Thanksgiving moment.
Families traditionally spend meaningful time together this weekend and gratitude is often at the center of these conversations.
But what can we do to make that "I am thankful for...." exercise a little more inspiring? How can it motivate us with intense feelings and a call to action, instead of that "ok, now what?"
A good friend once shared with me how there are really two types of thankfulness.
- One type of saying "I am thankful that I have ___" means "I am so lucky that I have ___."
- The other type of "I am thankful" is that "I am so humbled that __ has given me ____."
What's the difference? The answer is 2 words: Humility and Purpose.
When you feel lucky to have blessings in your life, it doesn't necessarily make you humble. Sure, you feel fortunate, but "lucky" means it happened by chance and there is no particular meaning to the blessing. Therefore, while it's always a good thing to appreciate one's blessings, the impact of such gratitude will be limited and may not express itself in a tangible manner.
A deeper sense of being thankful means realizing this blessing came from G-d and that it is intentional. When you think into it some more, you realize you are not more deserving than others (if one can be truly honest). Yet, G-d invested in you to give you these blessings! G-d has faith in you even if you can't understand why. That lends to a sense of humility, with a follow up of "I must do something good with my blessings to live up to that faith in me!"
Back to my scare incident on the road: I was raised with a custom that whenever we feel particularly blessed/fortunate we should immediately stop what we're doing and give some tzedaka. In Judaism, it isn't enough to feel thankful to G-d, you have to express your thanks through acts of prayer and tzedaka.
Incredibly, we find this idea in the Parsha!
At the close of this week's Torah portion, Jacob is forced to leave his home. He is literally penniless and all alone on the way to a foreign country. He later returns to Israel a very different man - surrounded by a large family and with a tremendous amount of wealth. He states:
I have become small from all the kindnesses and from all the truth that You (G-d) have rendered Your servant, for with my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two (large) camps.
Rabbi Schneur Zalman, the founder of Chabad, says that these words "feeling small" is an example of what gratitude should lead to: a real sense of humility and commitment to do good with those blessings. And indeed, each time Jacob experienced G-d’s assistance, he shows his recognition by building an altar and offering a sacrifice.
So here's a Thanksgiving resolution (is that a thing?): Don't just be thankful for what you have - think about who you are thankful to and why you owe them thanks.
Reflect on your limits and feel grateful and humbled that G-d/your parents/friends/teachers have provided you with so much. Then, don't suffice with feeling thankful - tell them thank you and pass on those blessings to others through acts of tzedaka.
And consider starting your day with the Modeh Ani meditation. It will frame your waking hours with a powerful sense of gratitude and humility. For those who do it already, try doing it just a little bit slower with more Kavana, or adding additional blessings to your mornings prayers.
To read an article with deeper meaning behind many of the morning blessings- click here.