Rabbi, I feel bad I don't come to Shul more often," someone told me at our event last week.
"Don't feel bad," I replied.
He was surprised. Why shouldn't he feel bad for not coming to synagogue more often?
"Nothing good comes out of feeling bad," I told him.
We are just about to enter a month that might make some people feel bad. I know this because it happened to me. More than once.
The month we are about to enter is the Hebrew month of Elul. Often, this month is referred to as "Chodesh Hacheshbon," "the month of accounting," a month dedicated to self-reflection.
During this time before the High Holidays we are supposed to spend time thinking about the past year, evaluating the state of our spiritual development, and committing to becoming better.
But this often makes us feel bad.
We feel bad because of things we should not have done.
We feel bad because of things we didn't do well.
And perhaps the worst of all is the list of "I should have."
And this list doesn't accomplish anything positive in my life. It just makes me feel bad.
Feeling bad is not a motivator. It rarely motivates anyone to do anything. Instead, it can make us feel lazy and tired. '
There is a hidden trap in "I feel bad." It's often a trick of our evil inclination to make us do even less, and then our feeling bad and list of "should have" will keep growing.
Here's a suggestion. It's called "Teshuva mitoch Simcha", "Teshuva with joy."
The idea is that while self-reflection is essential and we need to honestly understand our situation, that should be done joyfully.
When we are happy, we are unstoppable. We are willing to invest more and go much farther.
Like everything in life, it's all about perspective. If a cup is filled with 50% water, is it half-full or half-empty? If a person's relationship with G-d is lacking, is he far from G-d, or does he have the potential to be much closer?
"Rabbi, I didn't come to synagogue for a long time! I am so excited to come next week."
"I didn't give as much tzedakah as I should have...I can't wait to make it a priority this year!"
"I haven't made Torah Study part of my regular schedule. I look forward to seeing how it can uplift my workday."
You get the point. We don't whitewash anything, but we also don't dwell too much on past wrongdoings. Instead, we focus on the great opportunity we have right now.
As we go deeper into this extraordinary month of Elul, may this journey be filled with joy and lead us to be better people, better Jews, and closer to G-d.