Dear Parents, 

We are so happy you are considering Chabad of Cary for your son’s Bar Mitzvah. Our goal is to  help make this milestone deeply meaningful and inspiring celebration that leaves a lasting  impression for years to come. 

For thousands of years, Jews have celebrated a Bar Mitzvah as a defining moment of spiritual  growth and commitment. As we plan this important occasion, it’s helpful to pause and reflect: 

• Thirteen Years of Growth: Childhood is a formative stage- the foundation upon which  life is built. 

• Moral Maturity: The soul begins to blossom & the young man discovers a deeper moral  awareness within himself. 

• Jewish Adulthood: He accepts the responsibility of living as a Jewish adult, committed  to Torah & mitzvot. 

• Our Torah: A Bar Mitzvah celebrates the guide that provides purpose & direction for a  meaningful life. 

• Community: The Bar Mitzvah marks taking his place within the Jewish people. 

• Jewish Continuity: A Bar Mitzvah marks the new link in the chain of Jewish continuity. 

Our Approach 

We’ve designed a ceremony that emphasizes growth, responsibility, and Jewish identity. Instead of focusing solely on memorization for a single event, our approach centers on the process of becoming a Bar Mitzvah. 

In addition to being able to read a part of the Torah portion, Your son will also study 12  Passages - selections from the Bible, Talmud, and Jewish teachings - chosen for their  timeless relevance. These are not only texts for a ceremony, but life messages: tools for living meaningfully and Jewishly. This model has been used successfully in communities nationwide,  providing a framework that is both personal and inspiring. 

Your son’s ceremony includes: 

• Readings of the 12 Passages 

• Being called up to the Torah (Aliyah) 

• If chosen, reading from the Torah 

• Personal speech reflecting on the milestone and the mitzvot he’s embracing 

• The Rabbi’s explanation of the process, ceremony, and respective reading

• As per your guidance, we call on family-members and friends for readings and/or  personal reflections. 

• Parents, relatives, and close friends bless the Bar Mitzvah boy through our "fountain of  blessings." They can also choose to convey the continuity of tradition with a "Judaic  bestowal" (Tallit, Kiddush Cup, etc) 

• A candy throw, in which we shower the Bar Mitzvah with sweetness. 

The Ceremony

Option 1 - Shabbat 

WHEN: Shabbat Morning 

WHAT:  The Bar Mitzvah boy leads a selection of the morning blessings and the prayers when the  Torah is taken out of the Ark. He also studies a portion of the Torah reading with its cantillation marks and recites it as part of our Shabbat Morning Service followed by a speech.  Afterwards, at the Kiddush following services, he recites the twelve Passages. Parents and  other family members are welcome to share speeches at that time 

• Service: 9:30–11:45 AM 

• Guests may arrive by 10:15 AM for the Torah reading 

FOOD: All food and liquor must meet the Kosher Standards of Chabad. 

Recommended caterer: Chef Derrick Crayton (919-408-2593). 

Alternatively, you may select a Chabad Kiddush Menu prepared by Chana and our Kiddush  team. Menu options and add-ons can be viewed at www.chabadkiddush.com. 

FEE: 

• Ceremony and donation: $750
• Half Social Hall, single room (optional): $500
• Full Social Hall combined rooms (optional): $1,000
• Cleaning fee for Social Hall use: $250
• Security officer (optional): $140
•  Recommended Tefillin set: $350 

• Kiddush (if through Chabad): $300–$500, depending on menu and guest count

• Recommended Tefillin set: $350 (available through Chabad) 

NOTES: 

Please bear in mind that cameras & Zoom are not used during this Shabbat Service.

Option 2 – Weekday Torah Service (Monday/Thursday & Special Days)

WHAT:
A more intimate Bar Mitzvah celebration held on a day when the Torah is read (Monday, Thursday, Rosh Chodesh, or Chanukah).

This option includes a shorter service, Aliyah, optional Torah reading, the 12 Passages, and personal speeches by the Bar Mitzvah boy and family. It retains the core elements of a traditional Torah reading, in a more relaxed setting than Shabbat.

WHEN:
• Monday or Thursday mornings
• Rosh Chodesh or Chanukah

WHERE: At Chabad

FOOD:
All food and liquor must meet Kosher Standards of Chabad.

Recommended caterers: Yalla Food Truck or Chef Derrick Crayton (919-408-2593)

NOTES:
Photography and Zoom are permitted.

FEE: 

• Ceremony and donation: $750
• Half Social Hall, single room (optional): $500
• Full Social Hall combined rooms (optional): $1,000
• Cleaning fee for Social Hall use: $250
• Security officer (optional): $140
•  Recommended Tefillin set: $350 

Preparation Process: 

Meeting #1 (12 months before Bar Mitzvah): ZOOM OR IN-PERSON 

o Discuss possible dates and goals for the Bar Mitzvah 

o Set goals for what the Bar Mitzvah boy will be studying and sharing

o Schedule follow-up meetings 

o Receive documents for "Fountain of Blessing" and "Parents Blessing" o Create a schedule for Bar Mitzvah Lessons. 

After your meeting, please have a parent email our admin, Esty, at [email protected] to confirm the Bar Mitzvah date. A $150 deposit is required to secure the date, and you should also check availability with your kosher caterer (if using one). You can reserve the date and submit your deposit below.

 Meeting #2 (6 weeks before Bar Mitzvah) IN PERSON 

o Review learning progress and finalize speech topic.  

o Identify family/friends for honors or readings 

o Confirm caterer and logistics 

Meeting #3 (1-2 Weeks before Bar Mitzvah) IN-PERSON 

o All Fees due  

o Full run-through with Bar Mitzvah boy and parent 

o Rabbi will review speech and make any suggestions 

Private Lesson Rates: 

• Tutor (Zoom): $30/lesson 

• Rabbi (Zoom or in-person): $40/lesson 

Mitzvah Projects: 

The Torah is our "user’s manual for life." It’s meant to inspire action. We encourage each Bar  Mitzvah boy to adopt a meaningful mitzvah practice such as: 

• Saying Shema daily 

• Donning Tefillin regularly 

• Attending occasional Shabbat services throughout the year 

Over the course of the preparation, the Bar Mitzvah boy will choose a Mitzvah Project; this has  two dimensions; one of a "social" consciousness and the other of a ‘ritual’ nature (Tefillin,  Mezuza, etc) We’ll work with your son to incorporate this into his Bar Mitzvah Ceremony. 

Bnei Mitzvah Wall at the Mendel Jewish Center

Each child who celebrates a Bar or Bat Mitzvah at the Mendel Jewish Center will be included on our Bnei Mitzvah Wall, celebrating the next generation of our community.

Families are invited to sponsor their child’s place on the wall.

On the Actual Bar Mitzvah Day 

Regardless of when the celebration takes place, your son’s true Bar Mitzvah Day is his 13th  Hebrew birthday. With your permission, the Rabbi will visit or meet for a short moment that day to mark the milestone, celebrate together, and put on Teffilin.