Dear Parents,
We are so happy you are considering Chabad of Cary for your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. We hope to be able to make this event meaningful, with inspiration that will last for years to come!
A Bat Mitzvah marks a very important milestone, a fundamental shift in life: The transition from young girl to responsible young adult. So, a Bat Mitzvah shouldn’t just be a party; it’s too important. A Bat Mitzvah needs a soul. Such an experience deserves a pivotal place in life’s rhythm and a powerful sense of meaning. The young celebrant should certainly feel a sense of relevance and connectedness to this auspicious threshold in her life.
We want your daughter to take pride in her Jewish identity. We want her to feel anticipation, eager to take her place as a full-fledged member of the Jewish nation. We want her to recognize her integral part in our beautiful traditions and rich heritage. We want to inspire a sense of responsibility to herself, to her fellow human beings, and, above all, to G-d.
It’s truly a special time and our goal is to help your family realize the energy of this powerful moment.
In thinking about the way to commemorate a Bat Mitzvah, we should first take a step back. What are some of the spiritual concepts we are celebrating?
● A Bat Mitzvah Celebrates the first 12 years of a child’s life, childhood is a formative stage and a foundation for life.
● A Bat Mitzvah Celebrates a time when the soul begins to blossom, allowing the individual to find "moral maturity" with herself.
● A Bat Mitzvah Celebrates the Child’s Commitment to living her life as a Jewish Adult.
● A Bat Mitzvah celebrates Our Torah, which gives us a world-view and guidance on how to lead a meaningful life.
● A Bat Mitzvah celebrates the idea that this girl is now taking her rightful place as part of the Jewish Community.
● A Bat Mitzvah celebrates the new link in the chain of Jewish continuity.
Which leads us to an important question: How can we infuse these concepts into the design of a Bat Mitzvah Celebration?
With this question in mind, we have set out to design a ceremony that emphasizes the "process" of maturation, responsibility, and Jewish identity. Rather than focus on a "Bat Mitzvah Project" or memorize a particular text for a one-time event we have chosen readings that articulate a developmentally
appropriate message for your child. These 12 Passages are taken from the Bible, Talmud, and Jewish Spirituality. They are not just religious texts for a specific day, rather, messages for life. It is our hope that these values will become "tools for a meaningful life" as your child matures into adult life.
The model that we have chosen is one that has been tremendously successful in communities around the country.
Your daughter’s ceremony includes:
● Reciting a selection of the daily prayers
● Readings of the 12 Passages
● A Speech, with reflections on the meaning of this important milestone, her path in reaching it, etc. In particular, a theme of one of the readings will be elaborated upon.
● A representation of the Mitzvah Project that your daughter worked on over the course of the Bat Mitzvah preparation
● The Rabbi’s explanation of the process, ceremony, and respective readings. ● As per your guidance, we call on family-members and friends for readings and/or personal reflections.
● A handout will be prepared for all the guests containing the above readings and some additional prayers. The handout can also contain a personalized message from the family. If you like, you can also design your own cover.
● Candy-throw symbolizing the sweetness of a Jewish life filled with Mitzvot.
● The parents (and grandparents if you choose) bless the Bat Mitzvah girl
● A "fountain of blessings" in which pre-selected family and friends bestow blessings to the Bat Mitzvah Girl.
● Candle Lighting Ceremony (when done on Friday Night)
The Ceremony can take place in one of Two manners. We highly encourage parents to choose #1 as we have found the Shabbat atmosphere the most meaningful way to celebrate the occasion. Option #2 is available in the event that Friday Night is not a possibility.
The Ceremony
Option 1 - Friday Night
WHEN:
Friday evening. Please note, that during the winter months, the ceremony will need to begin before sunset. During the spring/summer, we can "take on Shabbat" prior to sunset and have more flexibility with the start time.
WHERE:
Chabad of Cary. If you would like to invite more than 60 people to the ceremony, you can consider the UTSAV banquet hall on Davis Drive.
WHAT:
The Ceremony consists of:
- Introduction by the Rabbi on the significance of the day
- Recital of Daily Prayers by the Bat Mitzvah Girl with family/friends joining in for parts such as ADON OLAM and SHEMA
- Rebbetzin Chana’s message to the Bat Mitzvah Girl
- Presenting of a Gift to the Bat Mitzvah girl on behalf of Chabad of Cary - Echoes from the Past – The Bat Mitzvah Girl giving a short bio on 4 remarkable Jewish Women of the Torah, and then honoring 4 pre-selected women to light a candle in their honor.
- Passing Down of the Torch: A symbolic ceremony in which the Shabbat Candle is passed down from grandmother to mother to daughter. - Bat Mitzvah Girl lights Shabbat Candles and offers a personal prayer - All women and girls invited to light Shabbat Candles led by Rebbetzin Chana
- Parents and Grandparents Blessing
- Bat Mitzvah Girl Recites 12 Verses (with short introduction from Rabbi Yisroel)
- Dvar Torah (Speech) by Bat Mitzvah Girl (Bat Mitzvah Girl will choose a mitzvah that she commits to as well as mitzvah volunteer project, both which she’ll incorporate into her speech)
- Candy Throw
- KIDDUSH AND SHABBAT DINNER
- Fountain of Blessings
Option 2- Sunday or Weekday
WHAT:
Similar to the above without the Candle Lighting Ceremony.
WHEN:
This Ceremony can take place on:
A) Sunday Late Morning or afternoon (on days without Hebrew School) B) Work/school holidays (Presidents Day, etc.)
WHERE:
1) Chabad of Cary
2) Outside Location that allows you to bring in outside food (as the event will need to be kosher.) The Community Center at Bond Park in Cary is one excellent option.
FOOD:
All Food and Liquor at the Ceremony must meet the Kosher Standards of Chabad. We suggest the food be prepared by Yalla Food Truck (https://www.facebook.com/YallaDurham) or Chef Dereck Crayton at 919.408.2593.
DÉCOR, PAPERGOODS, AND SETUP:
The family is responsible to purchase all décor, tablecloths, and paper goods. Alternatively, arrangements can be made with the caterer for a full-service catering job.
Chabad of Cary purchases the candy to throw as well as the wine for the fountain of blessing ceremony.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
If you are interested in having a photographer at the event, we highly recommend one of our Hebrew School moms and a dear community member, Yulia Abitbul. If you are interested in hiring her, please contact her at 984-3655298 or by email [email protected].
GUESTS:
Family takes care of inviting all guests. The Cotlar family and the Chabad interns will attend as well.
We strongly encourage Bat Mitzvah girls to invite their Hebrew school class in the spirit of Jewish unity and friendship. They have progressed along their Jewish journey and education together with their Hebrew School classmates and as such, it is befitting to invite them to the ceremony.
NOTES:
Please bear in mind that videos and cameras can only be used up until the point the Candles are lit or sunset (whichever is sooner).
Photography/zoom is permitted for a non-Shabbat Bat Mitzvah Ceremony
Bat Mitzvah Ceremony Fee:
- Ceremony and donation: $750
- Half Social Hall, single room (optional): $500
- Full Social Hall combined rooms (optional): $1,000
- Cleaning fee for Social Hall use: $250
- Security officer (optional): $140
This Simcha Fee of a Bat Mitzvah with Chabad of Cary is $750 This includes the use of the facility, ceremony, copies, and a donation to the synagogue.
There is an additional $120 cleaning fee for food events held at Chabad of Cary.
If you would like to schedule security for the event, please be in touch with our admin Sara at [email protected]. The fee is $140 for a three hour security service.
Food is a separate cost paid directly to the caterer.
If you would like Chabad of Cary to provide additional kosher wine beyond the fountain of blessings, please coordinate with Esty.
TIMELINE OF BAT MITZVAH PREP:
A. Meeting 1 (12 months before Bat Mitzvah): ZOOM OR IN-PERSON
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Review Bat Mitzvah Guideline Booklet with ceremony options and details
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Discuss possible dates for the Bat Mitzvah
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Set goals for what the Bat Mitzvah girl will be studying and sharing
B. Parents follow up the initial meeting with:
C. Once a date is confirmed:
D. 2 months before Bat Mitzvah:
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We will send Parent and Grandparent Blessing Liturgy for you to review and print out to bring with you to recite at ceremony
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We will send you the Fountain of Blessing categories to assign to relatives
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Rabbi meets with Bat Mitzvah to review progress and Bat Mitzvah girl chooses the verse for her speech. At this time, parents can share any questions or concerns
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You will receive a form to fill out for ceremony booklet customization. Sara will be in touch with you when the booklet is ready for pickup at Fedex Kinkos.
E. After the meeting above takes place:
F. Final Meeting (Two Weeks before Bat-Mitzvah) IN-PERSON
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All Fees due at this time
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Parents can share any questions or concerns
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Rabbi will review speech and make any suggestions
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Complete Run-through of program with Bat Mitzvah Girl and at least 1 Parent
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All speeches and prayers should be printed and neatly assembled into a folder and brought to this meeting to review.
G. Week of Bat Mitzvah:
If being held at Chabad, parents take care of:
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Be in touch with Joe- facility manager re: setup
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Tables set for dinner- caterer or family does depending on arrangement with caterer
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Ceremony Booklets on Each Chair
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All papers for speeches in a neat folder including girl speech, bio of 4 women, and parent/grandparent blessings brought to the Bat Mitzvah
(Bring own Kippahs if not at Chabad)
BAT MITZVAH LESSONS
Weekly (or once per two weeks) tutoring with the Bat Mitzvah tutor will take place in the months before the Bat Mitzvah. We will practice the dictation of the Readings as well as their meaning, and discuss what it means to be Bat Mitzvah.
The number of these sessions will depend on the goals for the Bat Mitzvah, her prior knowledge of the 12 pesukim, as well as your child’s knowledge of Hebrew, etc.
FEE:
Tutoring will take place in 45 minute in-person sessions or 30 minute zoom sessions. For students of the Hebrew School, it is $30 per zoom session, and for non-students, $40.
Sessions with Rabbi Yisroel (Meeting #3 and Meetings #4) are $40 each.
MITZVAH PROJECTS:
The Torah is a program for life, a ‘user’s manual’ if you will. This isn’t just theoretical; the Torah’s ideas need to find expression in actual conduct. In light of that, we encourage the Bat-Mitzvah girl to adopt specific practices. For example:
● Designating a Tzedaka box in her bedroom and placing a coin there each day (except Shabbat)
● Lighting Shabbat Candles weekly
● Saying the Modeh Ani and Shema Prayer
● Volunteering at Chabad of Cary events
● Over the course of the preparation process, the Bat Mitzvah girl will choose a Mitzvah Project; this has two dimensions; one of a "social" consciousness nature and the other of a ‘ritual’ nature (such as examples above). We will work with your daughter so that she can incorporate this into her Bat Mitzvah Ceremony.
Bnei Mitzvah Wall at the Mendel Jewish Center
Each child who celebrates a Bar or Bat Mitzvah at the Mendel Jewish Center will be included on our Bnei Mitzvah Wall, celebrating the next generation of our community.
Families are invited to sponsor their child’s place on the wall.
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