Perhaps you know the feeling. You’re in a sad mood. I mean, a truly sad mood with a very good reason to be down. But then suddenly you hear good news about something else, Or perhaps you’re then asked to participate in another person’s joyous occasion. How should you respond? Every feel it wouldn’t be honest to that other feeling to suddenly feel happy? Perhaps even a little guilty or hypocritical?
The Torah portion sheds light on this dilemma. The Parsha opens up at a time of extreme happiness. The Tabernacle is inaugurated. For the first time after their sin of the Golden Calf, they finally feel the Divine Presence dwelling in their midst. All seems to be going well. But then, in the height of their joy, tragedy strikes. The two sons of Aharon suddenly pass way. Mourning begins. And yet, the festivities also continue. One of the offerings is eaten in celebration and a second is burned in grief.
The Torah’s message? Opposing feelings can exist at the very same time. Or in the words of the Zohar, “Weeping is lodged in one side of my heart, and joy is lodged in the other.”
It’s a simple, yet profound idea. We are complex people. Unlike a child whose emotions are straightforward (watch a toddler get upset!), adults are able to have conflicting feelings at the same time. As such, it is not being dishonest to embrace happiness at the time of joy, or vice versa. There is room for both in our heart.
The following reflection was penned by Rabbi Hirshy Minkowicz, the Chabad Rabbi in North Fulton Georgia, less than a year after he tragically lost his wife Rashi at age 37. While we pray to never experience anything remotely similar to this, this powerful message can be applied to many situations:
It was kind of a strange feeling being at the wedding of Rashi’s brother this past Sunday.
The family deserved a Simcha (joyous occasion) and thank G-d they had one. A time to celebrate and be happy. There was definitely an undercurrent of mixed emotions running through everyone’s heart, but the joy superseded all and the family danced and enjoyed.
But I was having a hard time getting into it. My heart was full of happiness for my brother-in-law and his bride, but my heart was also full of other emotions as well.
Ultimately I knew that I wanted to dance, but I felt more comfortable standing on the sidelines and observing.
Then it happened. The Chasidic Arm Schlep!
I felt a strong New York tug on my arm, turned around to see a family member pulling me, and before I knew it I was right there where I belonged, but couldn’t get myself to go, at the center of the dance floor.
A few minutes later the bride's father ‘pulled’ the same trick on me and there I was again.
I realized two things that night: Firstly that it is ok to have mixed emotions, we don’t need to have it all figured out. It is even ok to sit on the sidelines at times. But when there is a wedding, you have to dance at least part of the time. There are times when you can’t bring yourself to do it, and what you really need is a little of an arm schlep. It’s Ok! Allow your arm to schlepped when it’s for a happy thing.
And I also learned that if you ever have the opportunity to be the "arm schlepper," go ahead and schlep! You will be doing a Mitzvah and bringing people the goodness they need